Broken

Well, this should probably be a book rather than a mere blog. I do not even know where to start, life has been a crazy ride these last few months. My mother became incredibly ill right around the first of the year.  Around that same time, I had taken on 2 new volunteer positions in an attempt to give of myself and maybe fill the void of my kids and grandkids recently moving far away.  I perhaps bit off a bit more than I should have at one time but have learned something so whenever something is learned what you have gone through it is not a waste. When we are no longer learning or growing we have a problem.   I personally learned I need to ask a lot more questions and to perhaps think a tad longer before saying “I will do it”.  No, seriously, that is true!  I think I can do it all or die to try in a feeble attempt to never let anyone down.  I have discovered however that I can survive on less sleep, although it is not a pretty sight and coffee is certainly one thing that I do not want to try to live without.

The last few weeks I have noticed a very common thread in all the things that have transpired in my life beginning in January and that is, I am surrounded by broken! Where I used to look at people and see well put together now I see shards and shrapnel. I see scars and wounds. I see 5-year-old little boys and girls dressed up as adults trying to navigate the waters of life. They may look like they have it all figured out from the outside but inside there is a battleground. I have my fair share of broken too. I realized that if I would not prejudge people and just determine every one I meet is broken then my capacity to love that person jumps to a whole new level. Think about it,  we have all met people that look and act put together we prejudge them and dole out grace and love based on what we perceive they need or deserve from the outside. Then one day we may get a tiny glimpse of their life and think “Oh, that makes so much sense!” and we find ourselves loving what we may have originally deemed unlovable in a whole new way. I have determined from now on to take a totally different approach, to see each and every person as broken. In need of care, love, grace, and patience.

What does this all really mean? This means I spend time weeping and loving on the ones that others judge, condemn and cast aside. It means I cry with people, speak truth with people and sometimes I sit with people and say absolutely nothing. It means that some days I help remove the tiny shards and shrapnel and provide a healing ointment if it is only from my words and actions. It means sitting calmly when words I have never uttered in my life are being spewed around me and over me, but extending grace and love. Accepting an apology if it comes or let it go if it doesn’t because it is not about me. It means giving of myself when it is hard or inconvenient. It is far more than mere words it is all about love. I have heard for years there has to be a balance between grace and accountability, I do believe that can be true but sometimes you just can’t expect accountability when you are dealing with a certain level of broken. I am realizing I have to be okay with just Grace. Grace, you know I love that word, when I began this blog I called it Uncommon Grace and little would I know where God has placed me at this very moment in life I would be truly understanding the depth of uncommon grace.

Here is the thing, I am tired emotionally, physically and mentally. These last few months have sucked some of my life right out of me. Here is the bigger thing, I would not change most of it for anything, except my momma being so sick, and even through that God revealed things to me. I think I can love with a greater capacity, without limits, and without expectations. If God can use me to be a small little glimmer of him then that is all that matters. So tonight I will go to sleep feeling completely used up, drained and like I can not do the hard work of loving so many broken people one more day, but as I tell so many…tomorrow is a new day and I will do it all over again. If just one hug, smile or encouraging word is exchanged my day was a great day. I will strive to show the uncommon grace to those around me, grace that just does not make any sense.  I pray for 1 Corinthians 1:3 for each of you…May God our Father and the Lord Jesus Christ give you grace and peace.  Grace and peace to keep loving.  Thankful God uses broken things!

PS. for those inquiring minds, that bowl belonged to my great grandma.  I do have the broken piece to glue in but I kind of like it the way it is, it serves as a good reminder.

Until Next Time…and remember, tomorrow is a new day!