It was the summer of 1985 when my whole life would turn upside down. I doubt there are not too many of us that have lived any number of years that have not had some life altering experiences. In my mind I have lived the better part of my life feeling like, time helps heal all pain. A couple of weeks ago I had a few minutes of harsh reality that time does not heal all pain. If that were, in fact, the truth I would not have felt a few moments of memory pain coarse through my body. I think come on we are in 2017, it should be over. My husband and I had gone for a little 2 day get away to my sister’s vacation home. One evening when we were on a hunt for a Dairy Queen and a Starbucks, yes we were looking for both of those places and yes we consumed items from both places if you were wondering. My husband made the comment that there was a Starbucks at the corner of Baristo. Immediately, in my sister and myself, it was like an alarm went off…We know that name! It was 33 years ago this coming August that we would find ourselves living in a little 2 bedroom condo right off that very street with our Dad, Mom, little sister and our family dog. In years past we had vacationed in that little condo but this time it was not a vacation, there was no going back from the life we came from.
The days were dark figuratively speaking, as we were in Palm Springs which offers abundant sunshine. I remembered with perfect clarity the first few days we were there when my mom sat comatose in a chair for hours on end not eating or talking just crying. My middle sister and younger sister had to start school. I remember riding with my dad to take my middle sister, who was 13 at the time to her school, only to have her chase the car running and crying begging us not to leave her there. My little sister was my only bright spot because, at Kindergarten age and a personality that sees everything through rose colored glasses she was thrilled to meet new friends, she did ask once in a while though when our vacation was going to be over.
No one knew where we were and no one knew how to get a hold of us as we were in hiding. I was sad and I was angry. At 17 years old you do not sign up for that. You are supposed to be enjoying the best days of your life. I never experienced dressing up for a prom or walking a graduation line, I no longer had friends to hang out with, my boyfriend was over 2000 miles across the country, overall life was bleak. I had to be the mom, I felt I needed to be a voice of reason in my very dysfunctional family. I remember thoughts of running away and going back but how would my sisters get along without me? What if people questioned where my family was? The turmoil was real.
Back to 2 weeks ago, we had my husband and my brother in law indulge us as we set out on a quest to find this home that no longer had warm fuzzy feelings of vacations growing up but was more like a prison in our minds. Within mere minutes we found the place we lived, we parked, we sat there and looked and we took pictures. I am glad the current owners did not see us. It would have been awkward to say “we just wanted to take pictures, we used to live here and hated it! Thank you have a nice day…enjoy your home.”
My sister and I remembered a flood of memories even about the days leading up to us leaving town. I know it was a healing trip down a very rocky memory lane but somehow when we drove off we both felt better. I realize time definitely does not heal all pain. Time just allows new hurts to push the old ones to the furthest corners. I suppose if I had it to do over I should have found that little place years ago and gotten this healing process started but I trust God’s timing is best and April 3, 2017, was they day He chose. Will I ever feel sad about that time in my life again? Probably, but at the same time, I see how God’s hand has been in my life from the very day we snuck out of Oklahoma on a trek across the country.
My trust and faith in God have only grown through the years, I know he is close to me and I will trust Him to take me where I am supposed to be. God sees our pain and he is with us. The Lord is good a strong refuge when trouble comes. He is close to those who trust in Him. Nahum 1:7
Until Next Time…
robynstroup 
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